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Анекдоты на английском языке Options · View
Mikhail
От: Monday, March 03, 2008 3:50:06 PM

Ранг: Administration
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Регистрация: 2/21/2006
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Откуда: Moscow
В этой ветке мы будем регулярно размещать новые шутки и анекдоты на английском языке... И, надеюсь, что если Вы изучаете английский язык или уже выучили его эта страница добавит Вам хорошего настроения!


Seen on a restroom wall:
"God is dead: Nietzsche.
Nietzsche is dead: God."


***

Анекдоты на английском языке

A Universal Philosophical Refutation

A philosopher once had the following dream.
First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared. Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared. Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection. After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief. The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."

Как оформиться на программу из каталога СТАДИ-ЭКСПРЕСС: http://www.study-express.ru/welcome.htm
Mikhail
От: Tuesday, March 18, 2008 1:03:32 PM

Ранг: Administration
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Регистрация: 2/21/2006
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Откуда: Moscow
Анекдоты на английском языке

Salesman of the Year

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas. "Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says, "$101,237.64." Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing"...

Как оформиться на программу из каталога СТАДИ-ЭКСПРЕСС: http://www.study-express.ru/welcome.htm
alisa33
От: Saturday, October 03, 2015 10:46:45 AM
Ранг: Newbie
Группа: Пользователь

Регистрация: 10/3/2015
Сообщений: 1
A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked him to be quick.

Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So two fellas go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Jon, "Well, did you find it?"

Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards"Smile
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